I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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