You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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