your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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