apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
