and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize