I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize