after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
