seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
