he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
