i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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