I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
