i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
