I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
