You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
