I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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