is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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