You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
