yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
