I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
