I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
