there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
