Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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