I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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