i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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