just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
