with your own penis?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
