I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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