My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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