margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
