why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
