Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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