I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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