I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
