Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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