I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize