Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
