He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
