I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
