My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
