And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
