Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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