Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
