the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
