Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
