i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
