the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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