I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
