Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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