Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
