i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
