So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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