Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
