True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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