Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
