i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Girls should come with a carfax report
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
