just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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