Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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