No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
