Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
