he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
