No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
