I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
