I heard we made out
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
