Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
