***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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