he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
