Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
