He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize