I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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