You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
