Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
