i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
