I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
