He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
