is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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