guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
