I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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