well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
