I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
