Porn is love you can see.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
