New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
