WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
