His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
