so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
