At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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