Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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