you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
