I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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