I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
