So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
