Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
