I CAN MOONWALK!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
