life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
