Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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