omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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