Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
