we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
