where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
