So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
