I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wear drunk well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
