I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
