You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
