Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
