I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
