Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
