Your face is a jimmy john
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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