I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
